I don’t know why I am like this

Just an FYI, its been a process for me to upload pictures to this blog site and so while I will see how to improve this process, for now I just at least want to start sharing my blogs about this wonderful journey I am on.

When I was planning for Thailand, and to everyone who asked about my plan, I told them that I would be easing into training, chilling out and exploring for the first week without any pressure on myself. 

Without having even slept after arriving in Phuket at 9.30am in the morning, I decided that it was totally a good idea to join the 4pm class. This class is 1.5 hours long, with 5 pad rounds, 5 bag rounds, and 3-5 sparring rounds. All with krus who I instantly fell in love with. 

But its not just the fact that I was riding on empty from the plane rides from Auckland leaving at 1.30am or so (the flight way delayed) and with a 10 hour flight with a screaming 3 year old, and being cramped up, there was little sleep had that night. 

It was always the plan to just take it easy I do not understand how I got so carried away without even recognizing that I was doing so. 

I guess if I think about it, I waltzed out of the taxi into a Muay Thai gym, where I walked past lots of guys in the gym floor while getting to my accomodation on site. My ego got caught up in wanting to prove myself, as this is something I have felt I have needed to do before. 

And I was there, I was in the scene, can you imagine, you have been so passionate about Muay Thai as soon as you discovered it, and then you somehow decide to go to Thailand to train and learn, even though you have no idea what possessed you to follow this direction in the first place. Despite a long term injury you decide to work and save and prioritise flying away to see where it leads. With no idea what and how the actual fuck we are making this happen. Only natural that I get a wee bit carried away in the moment.

Yeah, that’s right, decide to go all out in the 4pm straight off the plane-with an injury- class. That sounds like a great idea. Good job Emz. Ego 1. Emz 0.

It was the best thing ever and I loved all of it apart from my ego insisting that i skipped for 10 minutes to show I wasn’t a little bitch even though it flared up my injury hard core. 

From riding the high of the first few days where I was constantly exploring and moving around, I am feeling a bit exhausted now. I was so very eager to train I actually paid for the twice a day training membership, for this week, the week that I said I would “just chill and explore and not put too much pressure on myself.”

I have calmed down now, and as I write this lying on my bed, it is the 4pm session and the playlist is booming and epic and I just hear all the sounds of bodies against leather, and all the other noises that  make me so weirdly very happy.  I listened to my body, which was telling me not to do it. And it is the first week!!! So I have booked a sports massage at the place Kru Bryan suggested was good- Pinky’s. 

Sheiit. Lessons have (hopefully) been learned. 

I don’t think I need to prove myself anymore. I don’t think I ever did. 

Let’s fucking go!